I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
