HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
