Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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