In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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