I got chris browned last night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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