curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
