You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
barbara walters just said penis...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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