morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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