Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
