I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
