and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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