the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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