yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
