If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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