Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
