Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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