You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
