At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
