Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
