Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
