He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
