Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
