I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
