God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
