Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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