My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
