Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
