i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
