I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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