It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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