well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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