RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I party with great urgency now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
