Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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