Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
