Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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