I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
