dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
operation harelip BJ is a go
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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