i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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