Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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