My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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