Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
