farters have to be the big spoon...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
