i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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