i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
