i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
