Yo dont text me then not text me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
