I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
