You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
