hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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