Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
