I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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