just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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