I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
