so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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