Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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