just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
