things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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