Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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