He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
