thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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