remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
