trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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