Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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