He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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