y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
