do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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