I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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