he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
