Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
