yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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