i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
