all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
