I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
